When I was in 2nd grade, I was diagnosed with Attention-Deficit Hyperactive Disorder (ADHD). This curse/blessing continues to this day, and learning how to manage it in each moment has become an exercise in mindfulness and frustration.
To explain ADHD simply, my brain has a great deal of difficulty controlling its attention. My focus bounces around like a butterfly weaving erratically through the air, never seeming to have an intentional direction. To understand what this feels like, let me explain what I went through while trying to write this post:
- I wrote two sentences to explain what ADHD is like, then had an idea for a visual image that I thought would express it really well.
- I jumped over to Google to search for some images or GIFs of what I was visualizing (actual tab links), and ended up down a 20-minute rabbit hole into the phenomenon of ‘motion parallax’, trying to both understand more about it and to find a suitable image to demonstrate what I was seeing in my mind’s eye.
- Then, realizing I was wasting time on a tangent completely unrelated to what I initially wanted to talk about, I jumped back into this draft and made some notes at the bottom about how trying to come up with an apt metaphor for ADHD completely derailed my intention for writing this article. Lesson learned!
- Then, I realized this would be the perfect story to tell about what exactly ADHD feels like. Yikes.
ADHD is a double-edged sword.
It’s an endless source of stress and anxiety when I can’t stop my brain from going a million miles an hour, even though I just need to focus on the current task at hand, damn it!! (Side note: practicing meditation has greatly helped alleviate this problem.)
On the other hand, especially when it comes to “Diffuse-Mode thinking”, ADHD becomes a tactical nuke, helping me construct novel ideas and solve problems much faster than someone without an equivalent benefit. My focus bouncing around augments my thinking, creating fast connections and interesting possibilities. There are so many other uses and pitfalls to this condition, which I’ll share in the future.
The opposite of Diffuse Mode is, of course, Focus Mode.
Because my brain naturally leans into Diffuse Mode, Focus Mode can be extremely elusive and hard to achieve. What’s worse, if I do manage to find serendipity and achieve Focus, the simplest distraction or interruption can completely break my concentration – and send me spiraling right back into Diffuse Mode.
To combat this, I’ve worked out a system with my wife Emily to clearly communicate when I’ve actually achieved the beautiful, elusive, majestic state of Focus:
“I’m in Focus Mode.”
Saying this becomes a clear signal that respectfully conveys, “Don’t bother me!” We both have a degree of reverence for Focus Mode, knowing that is both difficult to attain and to maintain – especially for me. As I talked about in 2016 with my post on Anchors, this simple phrase has become our anchor for respectfully conveying when we don’t want to be interrupted.
This approach to open communication is something we strive to achieve in every aspect of our relationship, and it has proven extremely helpful in both keeping our sanity during COVID/work-from-home and in our daily lives. Establishing anchors to help each other know where we’re at during any given moment creates a deep understanding and allows us to respond to each other accordingly.
What kind of anchors have you created for those around you? How can you upgrade your communication by sharing new anchors with them?